Post
written by Leo Babauta
Every day, I get emails and comments
that are amazingly positive and encouraging, and in truth these messages are
the very thing that sustains my blogging. However, I also get negative comments
now and then: criticism of my writing, and not nice criticism either.
How do you deal with criticism? I
think the first reaction for most of us is to defend ourselves, or worse yet to
lash back.
And yet, while criticism can be
taken as hurtful and demoralizing, it can also be viewed in a positive way: it
is honesty, and it can spur us to do better. It’s an opportunity to improve.
Recently, I ran an “Ask the Readers”
post asking for suggestions for improvement, after receiving a few critical
emails and comments. I responded to one of the critics with a “thank you” and asked
him to comment in the Ask the Readers thread.
The reader emailed me back, and here
was his response:
After sending my email, I felt I
might have been a little harsh. But now, after reading your response, I think
you would have the perfect qualities to write an article or two about taking criticism
with grace and appreciation.
I really liked that thought, so here
is that post he suggested: how to take criticism with grace and appreciation.
Stop Your First Reaction
If your first reaction is to lash back at the person giving the criticism, or
to become defensive, take a minute before reacting at all. Take a deep breath,
and give it a little thought.
Personally, I tend to get a little
angry when I’m criticized. But I have also taught myself not to react right
away. For example, I’ll let a critical email sit in my inbox for at least an
hour before replying. Or I’ll walk away from someone instead of saying
something I’ll regret later.
That cooling off time allows me to
give it a little more thought beyond my initial reaction. It allows logic to
step in, past the emotion. I don’t have anything against emotion, but when it’s
a negative emotion, sometimes it can cause more harm than good. So I let my
emotions run their course, and then respond when I’m calmer.
Turn a Negative Into a Positive
One of the keys to my success in anything I do is my ability to find positive
things in things that most people see as a negative. Sickness forces me to stop
my exercise program? That’s a welcome rest. Tired of my job? That’s a time to
rediscover what’s important and to look for a better job. Supertyphoon ruined
all my possessions? This allowed me to realize that my stuff wasn’t important,
and to be thankful that my loved ones were still alive and safe.
You can do the same thing with
criticism: find the positive in it. Sure, it may be rude and mean, but in most
criticism, you can find a nugget of gold: honest feedback and a suggestion for
improvement.
For example, this criticism: “You
write about the same things over and over and your posts are boring and stale.”
Can be read: “I need to increase the
variety of my posts and find new ways of looking at old things.”
That’s just one example of course —
you can do that with just about any criticism. Sometimes it’s just someone
having a bad day, but many times there’s at least a grain of truth in the
criticism.
See it as an opportunity to improve
— and without that constant improvement, we are just sitting still. Improvement
is a good thing.
Thank the Critic
Even if someone is harsh and rude, thank them. They might have been having a
bad day, or maybe they’re just a negative person in general. But even so, your
attitude of gratitude will probably catch them off-guard.
And you know what? My habit of
thanking my critics has actually won a few of them over. They became friends of
mine, and eventually a couple of them became some of my biggest proponents. All
because of a simple act of saying thank you for the criticism. It’s unexpected,
and often appreciated.
And even if the critic doesn’t take
your “thank you” in a good way, it’s still good to do — for yourself. It’s a
way of reminding yourself that the criticism was a good thing for you, a way of
keeping yourself humble.
Learn from the Criticism
After seeing criticism in a positive light, and thanking the critic, don’t just
move on and go back to business as usual. Actually try to improve.
That’s a difficult concept for some
people, because they often think that they’re right no matter what. But no one
is always right. You, in fact, may be wrong, and the critic may be right. So
see if there’s something you can change to make yourself better.
And then make that change. Actually
strive to do better.
When I received criticism that my
posts weren’t as good as they could be, I strove to improve. I tried hard to
write better posts. Now, did I actually accomplish that? That’s a matter of
opinion — some will say no, while others seemed to enjoy the posts. Personally,
I’ve been rather proud of some of these posts, and I’m glad I made the extra
effort.
Be the Better Person
Too many times we take criticism as a personal attack, as an insult to who we
are. But it’s not. Well, perhaps sometimes it is, but we don’t have to take it
that way. Take it as a criticism of your actions, not your person. If you do that,
you can detach yourself from the criticism emotionally and see what should be
done.
But the way that many of us handle
the criticisms that we see as personal attacks is by attacking back. “I’m not
going to let someone talk to me that way.” Especially if this criticism is made
in public, such as in the comments of a blog. You have to defend yourself, and
attack the attacker … right?
Wrong. By attacking the attacker,
you are stooping to his level. Even if the person was mean or rude, you don’t
have to be the same way. You don’t have to commit the same sins.
Be the better person.
If you can rise above the petty
insults and attacks, and respond in a calm and positive manner to the meat of
the criticism, you will be the better person. And guess what? There are two
amazing benefits of this:
- Others will admire you and think better of you for
rising above the attack. Especially if you remain positive and actually
take the criticism well. This has happened to me, when people actually
complimented me on how I handled attacking comments.
- You will feel better about yourself. By participating
in personal attacks, we dirty ourselves. But if we can stay above that
level, we feel good about who we are. And that’s the most important
benefit of all.
How do you stay above the attacks
and be the better person? By removing yourself from the criticism, and looking
only at the actions criticized. By seeing the positive in the criticism, and
trying to improve. By thanking the critic. And by responding with a positive
attitude.
A quick example: Someone criticizes
one of my posts by saying, “You’re an idiot. I don’t understand what x has to
do with y.”
My typical response will be to
first, ignore the first sentence. And second, to say something like, “Thanks
for giving me an opportunity to clarify that. I don’t think I made it as clear
as I should have. What x has to do with y is … blah blah. Thanks for the great
question!”
And by ignoring the insult, taking
it as an opportunity to clarify, thanking the critic, using the opportunity to
explain my point further, and staying positive, I have accepted the criticism
with grace and appreciation. And in doing so, remained the better person, and
felt great about myself.
How
to Accept Criticism with Grace and Appreciation
Post
written by Leo Babauta
Every day, I get emails and comments
that are amazingly positive and encouraging, and in truth these messages are
the very thing that sustains my blogging. However, I also get negative comments
now and then: criticism of my writing, and not nice criticism either.
How do you deal with criticism? I
think the first reaction for most of us is to defend ourselves, or worse yet to
lash back.
And yet, while criticism can be
taken as hurtful and demoralizing, it can also be viewed in a positive way: it
is honesty, and it can spur us to do better. It’s an opportunity to improve.
Recently, I ran an “Ask the Readers”
post asking for suggestions for improvement, after receiving a few critical
emails and comments. I responded to one of the critics with a “thank you” and asked
him to comment in the Ask the Readers thread.
The reader emailed me back, and here
was his response:
After sending my email, I felt I
might have been a little harsh. But now, after reading your response, I think
you would have the perfect qualities to write an article or two about taking criticism
with grace and appreciation.
I really liked that thought, so here
is that post he suggested: how to take criticism with grace and appreciation.
Stop Your First Reaction
If your first reaction is to lash back at the person giving the criticism, or
to become defensive, take a minute before reacting at all. Take a deep breath,
and give it a little thought.
Personally, I tend to get a little
angry when I’m criticized. But I have also taught myself not to react right
away. For example, I’ll let a critical email sit in my inbox for at least an
hour before replying. Or I’ll walk away from someone instead of saying
something I’ll regret later.
That cooling off time allows me to
give it a little more thought beyond my initial reaction. It allows logic to
step in, past the emotion. I don’t have anything against emotion, but when it’s
a negative emotion, sometimes it can cause more harm than good. So I let my
emotions run their course, and then respond when I’m calmer.
Turn a Negative Into a Positive
One of the keys to my success in anything I do is my ability to find positive
things in things that most people see as a negative. Sickness forces me to stop
my exercise program? That’s a welcome rest. Tired of my job? That’s a time to
rediscover what’s important and to look for a better job. Supertyphoon ruined
all my possessions? This allowed me to realize that my stuff wasn’t important,
and to be thankful that my loved ones were still alive and safe.
You can do the same thing with
criticism: find the positive in it. Sure, it may be rude and mean, but in most
criticism, you can find a nugget of gold: honest feedback and a suggestion for
improvement.
For example, this criticism: “You
write about the same things over and over and your posts are boring and stale.”
Can be read: “I need to increase the
variety of my posts and find new ways of looking at old things.”
That’s just one example of course —
you can do that with just about any criticism. Sometimes it’s just someone
having a bad day, but many times there’s at least a grain of truth in the
criticism.
See it as an opportunity to improve
— and without that constant improvement, we are just sitting still. Improvement
is a good thing.
Thank the Critic
Even if someone is harsh and rude, thank them. They might have been having a
bad day, or maybe they’re just a negative person in general. But even so, your
attitude of gratitude will probably catch them off-guard.
And you know what? My habit of
thanking my critics has actually won a few of them over. They became friends of
mine, and eventually a couple of them became some of my biggest proponents. All
because of a simple act of saying thank you for the criticism. It’s unexpected,
and often appreciated.
And even if the critic doesn’t take
your “thank you” in a good way, it’s still good to do — for yourself. It’s a
way of reminding yourself that the criticism was a good thing for you, a way of
keeping yourself humble.
Learn from the Criticism
After seeing criticism in a positive light, and thanking the critic, don’t just
move on and go back to business as usual. Actually try to improve.
That’s a difficult concept for some
people, because they often think that they’re right no matter what. But no one
is always right. You, in fact, may be wrong, and the critic may be right. So
see if there’s something you can change to make yourself better.
And then make that change. Actually
strive to do better.
When I received criticism that my
posts weren’t as good as they could be, I strove to improve. I tried hard to
write better posts. Now, did I actually accomplish that? That’s a matter of
opinion — some will say no, while others seemed to enjoy the posts. Personally,
I’ve been rather proud of some of these posts, and I’m glad I made the extra
effort.
Be the Better Person
Too many times we take criticism as a personal attack, as an insult to who we
are. But it’s not. Well, perhaps sometimes it is, but we don’t have to take it
that way. Take it as a criticism of your actions, not your person. If you do that,
you can detach yourself from the criticism emotionally and see what should be
done.
But the way that many of us handle
the criticisms that we see as personal attacks is by attacking back. “I’m not
going to let someone talk to me that way.” Especially if this criticism is made
in public, such as in the comments of a blog. You have to defend yourself, and
attack the attacker … right?
Wrong. By attacking the attacker,
you are stooping to his level. Even if the person was mean or rude, you don’t
have to be the same way. You don’t have to commit the same sins.
Be the better person.
If you can rise above the petty
insults and attacks, and respond in a calm and positive manner to the meat of
the criticism, you will be the better person. And guess what? There are two
amazing benefits of this:
- Others will admire you and think better of you for
rising above the attack. Especially if you remain positive and actually
take the criticism well. This has happened to me, when people actually
complimented me on how I handled attacking comments.
- You will feel better about yourself. By participating
in personal attacks, we dirty ourselves. But if we can stay above that
level, we feel good about who we are. And that’s the most important
benefit of all.
How do you stay above the attacks
and be the better person? By removing yourself from the criticism, and looking
only at the actions criticized. By seeing the positive in the criticism, and
trying to improve. By thanking the critic. And by responding with a positive
attitude.
A quick example: Someone criticizes
one of my posts by saying, “You’re an idiot. I don’t understand what x has to
do with y.”
My typical response will be to
first, ignore the first sentence. And second, to say something like, “Thanks
for giving me an opportunity to clarify that. I don’t think I made it as clear
as I should have. What x has to do with y is … blah blah. Thanks for the great
question!”
And by ignoring the insult, taking
it as an opportunity to clarify, thanking the critic, using the opportunity to
explain my point further, and staying positive, I have accepted the criticism
with grace and appreciation. And in doing so, remained the better person, and
felt great about myself.
How
to Accept Criticism with Grace and Appreciation
Post
written by Leo Babauta
Every day, I get emails and comments
that are amazingly positive and encouraging, and in truth these messages are
the very thing that sustains my blogging. However, I also get negative comments
now and then: criticism of my writing, and not nice criticism either.
How do you deal with criticism? I
think the first reaction for most of us is to defend ourselves, or worse yet to
lash back.
And yet, while criticism can be
taken as hurtful and demoralizing, it can also be viewed in a positive way: it
is honesty, and it can spur us to do better. It’s an opportunity to improve.
Recently, I ran an “Ask the Readers”
post asking for suggestions for improvement, after receiving a few critical
emails and comments. I responded to one of the critics with a “thank you” and asked
him to comment in the Ask the Readers thread.
The reader emailed me back, and here
was his response:
After sending my email, I felt I
might have been a little harsh. But now, after reading your response, I think
you would have the perfect qualities to write an article or two about taking criticism
with grace and appreciation.
I really liked that thought, so here
is that post he suggested: how to take criticism with grace and appreciation.
Stop Your First Reaction
If your first reaction is to lash back at the person giving the criticism, or
to become defensive, take a minute before reacting at all. Take a deep breath,
and give it a little thought.
Personally, I tend to get a little
angry when I’m criticized. But I have also taught myself not to react right
away. For example, I’ll let a critical email sit in my inbox for at least an
hour before replying. Or I’ll walk away from someone instead of saying
something I’ll regret later.
That cooling off time allows me to
give it a little more thought beyond my initial reaction. It allows logic to
step in, past the emotion. I don’t have anything against emotion, but when it’s
a negative emotion, sometimes it can cause more harm than good. So I let my
emotions run their course, and then respond when I’m calmer.
Turn a Negative Into a Positive
One of the keys to my success in anything I do is my ability to find positive
things in things that most people see as a negative. Sickness forces me to stop
my exercise program? That’s a welcome rest. Tired of my job? That’s a time to
rediscover what’s important and to look for a better job. Supertyphoon ruined
all my possessions? This allowed me to realize that my stuff wasn’t important,
and to be thankful that my loved ones were still alive and safe.
You can do the same thing with
criticism: find the positive in it. Sure, it may be rude and mean, but in most
criticism, you can find a nugget of gold: honest feedback and a suggestion for
improvement.
For example, this criticism: “You
write about the same things over and over and your posts are boring and stale.”
Can be read: “I need to increase the
variety of my posts and find new ways of looking at old things.”
That’s just one example of course —
you can do that with just about any criticism. Sometimes it’s just someone
having a bad day, but many times there’s at least a grain of truth in the
criticism.
See it as an opportunity to improve
— and without that constant improvement, we are just sitting still. Improvement
is a good thing.
Thank the Critic
Even if someone is harsh and rude, thank them. They might have been having a
bad day, or maybe they’re just a negative person in general. But even so, your
attitude of gratitude will probably catch them off-guard.
And you know what? My habit of
thanking my critics has actually won a few of them over. They became friends of
mine, and eventually a couple of them became some of my biggest proponents. All
because of a simple act of saying thank you for the criticism. It’s unexpected,
and often appreciated.
And even if the critic doesn’t take
your “thank you” in a good way, it’s still good to do — for yourself. It’s a
way of reminding yourself that the criticism was a good thing for you, a way of
keeping yourself humble.
Learn from the Criticism
After seeing criticism in a positive light, and thanking the critic, don’t just
move on and go back to business as usual. Actually try to improve.
That’s a difficult concept for some
people, because they often think that they’re right no matter what. But no one
is always right. You, in fact, may be wrong, and the critic may be right. So
see if there’s something you can change to make yourself better.
And then make that change. Actually
strive to do better.
When I received criticism that my
posts weren’t as good as they could be, I strove to improve. I tried hard to
write better posts. Now, did I actually accomplish that? That’s a matter of
opinion — some will say no, while others seemed to enjoy the posts. Personally,
I’ve been rather proud of some of these posts, and I’m glad I made the extra
effort.
Be the Better Person
Too many times we take criticism as a personal attack, as an insult to who we
are. But it’s not. Well, perhaps sometimes it is, but we don’t have to take it
that way. Take it as a criticism of your actions, not your person. If you do that,
you can detach yourself from the criticism emotionally and see what should be
done.
But the way that many of us handle
the criticisms that we see as personal attacks is by attacking back. “I’m not
going to let someone talk to me that way.” Especially if this criticism is made
in public, such as in the comments of a blog. You have to defend yourself, and
attack the attacker … right?
Wrong. By attacking the attacker,
you are stooping to his level. Even if the person was mean or rude, you don’t
have to be the same way. You don’t have to commit the same sins.
Be the better person.
If you can rise above the petty
insults and attacks, and respond in a calm and positive manner to the meat of
the criticism, you will be the better person. And guess what? There are two
amazing benefits of this:
- Others will admire you and think better of you for
rising above the attack. Especially if you remain positive and actually
take the criticism well. This has happened to me, when people actually
complimented me on how I handled attacking comments.
- You will feel better about yourself. By participating
in personal attacks, we dirty ourselves. But if we can stay above that
level, we feel good about who we are. And that’s the most important
benefit of all.
How do you stay above the attacks
and be the better person? By removing yourself from the criticism, and looking
only at the actions criticized. By seeing the positive in the criticism, and
trying to improve. By thanking the critic. And by responding with a positive
attitude.
A quick example: Someone criticizes
one of my posts by saying, “You’re an idiot. I don’t understand what x has to
do with y.”
My typical response will be to
first, ignore the first sentence. And second, to say something like, “Thanks
for giving me an opportunity to clarify that. I don’t think I made it as clear
as I should have. What x has to do with y is … blah blah. Thanks for the great
question!”
And by ignoring the insult, taking
it as an opportunity to clarify, thanking the critic, using the opportunity to
explain my point further, and staying positive, I have accepted the criticism
with grace and appreciation. And in doing so, remained the better person, and
felt great about myself.
